


The "Bob" problem

by Danny_R



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Shops, Dave is a sunshine, Drinking, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danny_R/pseuds/Danny_R
Summary: Dave makes the best matcha latte. And Klaus really needs it when hungover.





	The "Bob" problem

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, my dear beta fifthnorthumberland. You are the best!

Our story starts on Sunday at 6 a.m. Klaus has had a rough night. He’d drank almost a whole bottle of vodka with cranberry juice (yes, very gay of him). Maybe he had a quickie in one of the V.I.P. lounges of the club. He got there by showing fake id of some rock idol and using a horrible British accent. Maybe there hadn’t been a quickie though, who knows? Definitely not Klaus.   

His hangover was killing him. It was the worst one he’d had in ages. He wanted to go home, but it was too far away and he’d lost all the money and credit card in the damn club.  

"Hello, Bob", Dave greeted him. Klaus had given him that name. Why? Only God knows. Maybe he was intimidated by Dave’s beauty and feeling a little shy. "Bob" sounded stupid enough to be written on a plastic cup.  

"Bonjour, mon ami", Klaus answered. His voice was hoarse, as if he’d been screaming. Why had he been screaming? Was he in a fight? Klaus’s body felt kinda weird. 

Either way, Dave’s smile was too bright for that day. Klaus just wanted to curl up in some dark corner and maybe puke a little. On the second thought, he could probably puke a lot. Vodka is the worst.   

Klaus ordered, found a place to lay his sore body and tied his pink boa around his head as if it would help with a killer headache.  

Klaus was not a shy person. He was as far from being shy as any human being can be. But there was one thing. This Dave guy from Dave’s Coffee (yeah, very original)... He looked like he just came down from heaven, all bright smiles, and innocent face, and Klaus was, well, Klaus. 

Every night, after some crazy ass rave or really hot party, he crawled to this nice place, to Dave's Coffee.  

The Dave in question was gorgeous. Manly, but not buff. Funny, but in the right way. He seemed perfect, really. And the matcha latte he made could resurrect the dead. Klaus mostly has a near-death experience every time he comes here.   

Klaus had only one problem. His gaydar was somehow broken. Maybe from using it too much. Dave was so polite with all his customers, it was borderline flirting. Klaus just didn't know. He could try, but if the guy was straight Klaus probably wouldn't get matcha lattes anymore and he really liked matcha lattes (Diego said they taste like rotten grass, but fuck Diego who only drank espresso, the show-off).    

Also, Klaus knew that in those coffee shop fanfics baristas wrote their number on the cups. Where was his number? Where? He'd been coming here for a year!  

Dave didn't call out his name, instead, he came to Klaus's table with a cup. 

"Jesus, man, you're the best", Klaus moaned.  

"Rough night?" 

"Rough life. I have six brothers and sisters, and every one of them is better and more successful than me", said Klaus not knowing why he decided to share this with a complete stranger.

Dave looked confused.   

"You wanna talk about it?" he offered. The smile was still there. Was it a sign? It was probably just politeness.  

Klaus waved his hand.  

"Oh, no. That would be depressing". 

With a sympathetic smile and nod, Dave left to do his job.  

That was definitely depressing. Allison was a star, Diego - a cop, Luther went to space, Five had a doctorate in something mathematical, Vanya was the first violin at the orchestra. Even Ben was better. He died before he could make some serious mistakes. See? Depressing. 

Klaus drank the latte in one gulp. It was magical. Like some kind of unicorn piss. Thinking about piss lifted some bad stuff in his stomach. Damn vodka! On the right, near his table, he noticed a plastic flower. He could probably use that. And then he was puking, puking and puking. The ceiling was suddenly somewhere around a floor. And the floor was up high. He needed a cold shower. Or twenty hours of sleep.  

Of course, Dave noticed. Gaydar or not, now the chance of sex was non-existent.  

After that god awful thing had ended, Dave called the janitor and came to Klaus's table himself. 

"Do you need help?" 

"Nah, I feel awesome". 

He still wanted to puke.  

"Maybe you need a lift home". 

That man was an angel.  

"Can't do. My home is too far away and I don't have enough money for a taxi".  

Dave's face turned slightly pink. 

"You can come to my flat. It's one block away". 

"Really? Like, you mean it?"  

"Yeah, why not?" 

Klaus could name a few reasons. Namely, he was a drug addict Dave didn't even know.  

"Aren’t you afraid I'm gonna steal all your shit?" 

Dave shrugged.  "You seem like a nice person". 

"Do I?"   

Maybe Klaus had problems with his gaydar, but this guy here had problems with every radar ever. Maybe he was stupidly kind. How his coffee shop was still running if he was this generous with every customer?  

"My shift is over, we could go now". 

Klaus tried to lift his body from the couch. He tried and did not succeed - a couple of times. Dave helped him to stand wrapping his arms around an almost unconscious Klaus. His body felt nice: firm, a little bit soft. Klaus knew that he smells of vodka and vomit. Very attractive.  

Dave's flat was tidy, but it didn't feel too strict. Klaus liked it. Also, there was a dog. A golden retriever for Christ's sake.  

"His name's Jack", Dave said. 

Jack smelled Klaus, wiggling his tail.  

Klaus sat on the floor. 

"Oh, doggy! Nice doggy. Are we friends, Mr. Jack?" 

Jack licked his face.  

Dave took Klaus to the bathroom and got him a towel, then he left the room, still looking a little shy. 

Klaus left his clothes in a black and pink pile on the floor. A cold shower was refreshing. Then he turned the water hot and stayed there for a half an hour. He still felt dizzy, but it is was bearable. He took some mouth rinse and drank a few gulps.  

Dave's cooked breakfast and gave Klaus a glass of water with aspirin. Definitely an angel. 

Klaus sat at the table and put down both elbows on it.   

"So-o... Are you a maniac who dismembers his victims and then has a huge dinner party?" 

Dave laughed.  

"It's Hannibal you are talking about, I guess. I'm a vegan".  

"Yeah, maybe, but you seem too nice to be real". 

"Trust me, I'm real. I just... Well, it's kinda hard to say... I like you". 

Klaus felt ecstatic. He put his elbows down from the table.   

"Do you? Well, you could have written your number on my cup, like all the guys in fanfics do and then you wouldn't have had to wait until all the puking. It would have been nice". 

"Sounds good. But you know..." He became even redder. "I'm not into one night stands". 

Oh! Oh... That explained a lot. It was probably the boa giving that vibe. Or maybe the fact that Klaus actually had just had a one night stand. Yeah, he was a little frivolous, but not stupid. If someone like Dave would make him breakfast every morning he wouldn't be having casual sex with other guys. He had principles. Not many, but that was one of them.  

"Is it the boa? Or the makeup? Maybe the tats?" 

"No, no. I like it. I really like all of it". 

"I like you too. Like really really like". 

Dave came closer and hugged him. 

"Thanks, Bob!" Dave said.

Oh yeah. There still was the "Bob" problem. They would figure that out sometime later.  


End file.
